learning to like your body + creating a body you like

My heart kind of lurched into my stomach as I read Jonah Lehrer’s recent article on willpower and resolutions. So many people are already dispirited and discouraged when it comes to solving their body struggles. And I worry that they’ll read this article as more evidence to give up hope.

Lehrer explains that willpower is a limited resource. Like a muscle that gets tired from overuse, if we spend our energy (willpower) keeping ourselves from snapping at our boss, we have less leftover to resist the pint of ice cream at the end of a long day.

We know this.
This is the obvious reason why the white-knuckle diet approach never seems to work. Sure, you can stick with your Perfect Eating Plan as long as things in life are running super smoothly and you have a stockpile of willpower in reserve.

But. As soon as something rocks your boat and depletes your stash, lookout junk food frenzy.

On the surface, this doesn’t seem particularly empowering. Sounds like we’re doomed to a life of either/or. Either snap at your spouse or mainline Oreos. Either eat healthy food or floss your teeth.

Bright spots.
Just being aware of willpower’s limitations can help us avoid that “what the hell is wrong with me for not being satisfied with celery for dinner” mentality.

And maybe this knowledge will help persuade us to take a longer view toward making changes, by starting slowing and celebrating small wins.

And some of the research suggests that if there’s something that takes willpower to avoid, like, um, Hagen Daas, one possible workaround is to distract yourself from wanting the ice cream by focusing your attention on something else.

Two things.
1. Being tempted by that delicious slice of pie is one thing. But wanting to overeat is usually about something other than scrumptious treats.

When you deal with the reasons that you want to overeat in the first place, you won’t need willpower to stop when you’ve had enough.

2. Distract yourself for sure. How about distracting yourself from obsessing about food or your body by creating a life that you love? Why should our days be so full of things that take willpower? Blech.

Let’s call it the
Doing more of the stuff that makes you say ‘I was having so much fun I forgot to overeat’ technique.

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This week I had the pleasure of chatting with the lovely and super-talented Leah Piken Kolidas of Creative Every Day. I’m a huge fan of Leah’s art, not to mention her sweet and encouraging spirit.

Nourishing myself through creativity has been such an important part of healing my own relationship with my body. Leah and I talked about the overlap between tapping into our creative nature and connecting with our bodies and ourselves. It was an absolute joy to chat with her about this stuff!

I hope you’ll check out our interview about the connection between creativity and body love, and learn more about Leah and her Creative Every Day Challenge.

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I had a moment over the holidays when I thought that I might want to eat way too much of some really junky trail mix. You know, the kind that’s salty and sweet with nuts and raisins and M&M’s? M&M’s!

And in that moment, I was sitting at a coffee shop with my family. Eating a treat. Only I was totally missing out on the experience because I was off in some future moment gorging on some different treat.

This takes some awareness. (I’ve had lots of practice.)
Sometimes I can watch these intense impulses rise and fall. Not that I let the impulse fall every single time. Or that the slew of tricks and techniques and fairy dust I use are absolutely failproof.

Sometimes I eat the M&M’s. But most of time I don’t. Not out of self control; the desire just kinda fades.

When you’re caught in a painful pattern of doing something you really don’t want to do, you just want to know why. It feels so out of control. And then there’s the self-loathing that usually tags along. Ugh.

And it’s not like you get to enjoy whatever you’re doing. The whole time your inner dialogue just rants:

Stop it! Stop! Why are you doing this? You are disgusting. You’re not even hungry. And you’re going to feel terrible after. Terrible! Tomorrow will be terrible! And, why? Just why why WHY?

No, really. Why?
In that moment thinking about the M&M’s, I noticed one of the many answers to why. As I sat in the coffee shop with my family eating one treat semi-consciously and planning another treat in my head… That moment wasn’t terrible at all. It was delicious. And exhilarating. Exhilarating. Oh, that’s why.

Usually, when we feel that little trill of emotion before we do something we don’t want to do, we try to push it away. Urgently. Fervently. No no no. I don’t want to overeat. NO!

We think recognizing the impulse means automatically giving in. Losing control. And we try to resist.

Resistance really is futile.
The harder you try to resist, the more urgent your impulse becomes. And then you can’t get out without doing that thing you don’t want to do. And doing it becomes something you hate about yourself:
God, I have no self-control, I’m disgusting. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh yeah, everything…

But there’s a good reason for doing the things we do. We’re getting to feel exhilarated or we’re sneaking a moment of escape. Whatever it is for you, you can be sure you’re getting something you need.

You can find the reason for the pattern. Yeah, sometimes you’ll still do the thing. But acknowledging that you’re getting something out of it: Huge. And then when the impulse comes, you can say:
Oh hello, exhilaration. I was expecting you.

When you allow the pattern to exist, you can find nourishing ways to meet your needs. Like Pooh said:

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best — ” and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.

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